Great Invention Idea? A New Twist on Skating

Elizabeth Valeri — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 14:33:40 -0700

The advancements of the last thirty years have raised the invention stakes for everyone. What's wrong with that, you ask? Nothing, except that this often results in the less creative among us churning out mediocre or bad ideas when they could be doing something much more productive, like removing shopping carts from the parking lot at a local Wal-Mart! In my opinion, the following two patented inventions illustrate this point exactly.

Great Invention Idea? Easy Clean Baby for Mother's Day

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 01 May 2008 16:10:48 -0700

Have you ever seen a kid so dirty you wish you could just tie him up to a tree and spray him down? Or perhaps the kid in question is too young for such measures, so you think about grabbing the child by the shoulders (neck?) and repeatedly dipping him into a warm tub filled with soapy water. Unfortunately, the modern tub is too big to accommodate little tykes safely for either method. Thankfully, the United States Patent Office once again comes to the rescue of American families everywhere.

Great Invention Idea? The Modern Bathhouse!

Elizabeth Valeri — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 03:42:19 -0800

Mechanical Shower

As many of you already know, conservationists espouse the use of car washes because the facilities recycle the water used to get your vehicle looking its squeaky-clean best. Sounds like a good idea, right? But why should such a practical idea, like recycling water, be limited to cars? After all, we don't generally wash our cars everyday. We do, however, bathe our bods (I hope) everyday. Presumably then, washing ourselves is far more wasteful of a precious natural resource - one that some people argue will be the world's next "oil" - than the occasional washing of our cars. read more »

Thanksgiving Patents - Part 4: Avoid Holiday Drama & Weight Gain This Year

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 09:18:28 -0800

Appetite Suppressor

One thing I've learned over the years is you can never go wrong by invoking the diet excuse. (This excuse is particularly effective if you are still single.) Of course, you run the risk that a family member will decry your concerns for your figure as nonsense, or worse - for your plan, not your ego - tell you you're too thin as it is. read more »

Thanksgiving Patents-Part 5: Smelly Gas No More!

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 08:50:51 -0800

Fart Pad in Action

While there are many instances of farting to be found in great literature (James Joyce, St. Augustine, Dante, etc.), the reality of farting in public is much less noble. That's why I'm recommending you do a bit of damage control before any real damage to your modesty or friends has occurred this year. read more »

Great Invention Idea? Cure for Numb Thumb!

Elizabeth Valeri — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 15:12:03 -0800

A Dangerous Habit?

If you're anything like me, you spend an inordinate amount of time typing away at your computer. You do so knowing every keystroke brings you one step closer to a carpal tunnel disease diagnosis; every glance at the screen teases your vision with astigmatism. So you buy an ergonomic keypad and mouse pad and you force yourself to look away from the screen every 20 minutes or so. Great! But now there is something else to worry about, something that threatens the great American pastime of television viewing: B.T.N.D. or Button Thumbing Numbness Disorder. Luckily, the cure is not worse than the disease. read more »

Great Invention Idea? Cow Fart Monitor & More Bad News About Cows

Elizabeth Valeri — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 07:00:00 -0800

You want to stick that where?

As many of you know, cow gas, or bovine flatulence (farts) and eructation (burps), is suspect when determining the factors that contribute to global warming. Why? The reason is simple: cow gas emits methane gas and according to environmentalists like EarthSave, methane is by far the most important non-CO2 greenhouse gas floating around the atmosphere and threatening the ozone layer. read more »

Great Invention Idea? Get Your St. Patrick's Day Party On With These 3 Patents!

Elizabeth Valeri — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 07:45:00 -0800

I can show you how the United States Patent Office is working to insure you'll get your St. Patrick's Day party on this year with three good times patents!

Boomers Clothing Entertainment Food and Drink Fun Funny Gadgets Health Innovation Inventor Lifestyle Men Miscellaneous Patent Products Science Sports Weird or Wacky Women

10 Great Invention Ideas for the Best St. Patrick's Day Ever

Elizabeth Valeri — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 16:16:48 -0700

The following are my picks for the best St. Patrick's day ever, with a few post-St. Patrick's day reconciliation-style inventions thrown in for good measure.

Great Invention Idea? 5 Mother's Day Gifts for Every Kind of Mom

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Mother's Day is around the corner. What better time is there to honor the women who give us life and who make up the cornerstones of psychoanalysis? That's why I'm recommending the following five patents as perfect, non-traditional gift ideas for your mom - whether you like her or not. C'mon dude, she had you!

Boomers Children Clothing Fun Funny Gadgets Innovation Invention Lifestyle Marketing Miscellaneous Parenting Patent Pets Products Science Security Shopping Technology Weird or Wacky Women

Great Invention Idea? 3 Devices to Make Parenting Easier!

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 09:55:07 -0800

Strap-on Pacifier

Technology has transformed the baby raising landscape in some ingenious ways. Who knows? If the following three inventions had been available a few years ago my home office might today be covered in Disney motif wallpaper, and all the electrical outlets plugged up with child safety protectors. read more »

Great Invention Idea? Robotic Massage Hand

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 04:25:26 -0800

Cyborg Hand Massage

Have you ever longed for a gentle reassuring touch throughout the day? Would you welcome an occasional touch, rub, or connection to another without all the messy human entanglements that often accompany such a sweet gesture? read more »

Thanksgiving Patents - Part 3: Narcissistic Gourd Molds

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 03:02:46 -0800

Narcissistic Gourd Mold

A cornucopia of autumn produce and foliage is a traditional holiday favorite, if not a little predictable and overplayed. Yet with some time and planning you can assemble a unique cornucopia centerpiece spilling with gourds in the shape of your own head, or any other shape for that matter! read more »

Temporary/Portable Nuclear Fallout Shelter: Your Own Little Safety Oasis!

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 07:29:29 -0800

Temporary/Portable Nuclear Fallout Shelter

If you've listened to the news lately it might seem as though we are on the brink of another arms race. Oh sure, we've made some progress with North Korea, for now, but what about the rest of the world? If worrying about escalating international tensions is keeping you from making good on your new year's resolution to embark on a diet and fitness program that will help you transform yourself, I've got a patent that could put some of your fears to rest - temporarily - just long enough so that you can get up off the couch and into the gym.

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Great Invention Idea? Watch That Predicts Your Death

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 08:01:00 -0800

Personal Doomsday Watch

We know many of the vices we enjoy actually accelerate our journey towards oblivion. Furthermore, not knowing exactly how fast we're going is the cause of some considerable anxiety. And anxiety, as you know, makes the time it takes to reach our final destination go even faster! Still not ready to toss out your cigarettes or stop yelling at your spouse? read more »

Great Invention Idea? A Reservation System for Airplane Toilets.

Elizabeth Valeri — Thu, 15 May 2008 22:15:32 -0700

Is there anyone left who doesn't think the only thing better than traveling by air is having his or her wisdom teeth pulled? Do any of you suspect America is in fact a class based system and not an egalitarian one? If you have any doubts at all about such things United States patent 6329919 should put your doubts to rest once and for all.

Fitness Fun Funny Gadgets Health Innovation Invention Lifestyle Marketing Men Miscellaneous Patent Science Travel Weird or Wacky Women

Great Invention Idea? A Diaper for Your Bird!

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 13 May 2008 13:33:50 -0700

Polly want a cracker? Unfortunately, it'll make Polly poop all over your house the minute you let her out of her cage! If you love your little bird and want to let it fly free all over your house from time-to-time, then I've got a patent that should serve as a happy compromise for you both.

Environment Fun Funny Home Innovation Invention Lifestyle Miscellaneous Nature Outdoors Patent Pets Products Science Weird or Wacky

Great Invention Idea? Candy for Adults Who Suck

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 09:56:44 -0700

United States patent D301835 enables the psychosexual slackers among us to complete the oral fixation stage anytime we want, or simply prolong it for as long as we like.

Great Invention Idea? New & Improved Snot Rag!

Elizabeth Valeri — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 12:29:17 -0700

Spring is here with all its usual markers: flowers, grass, pollen and hay fever! If you are looking for a handy, inexpensive, and green - as in reusable, not the color of mucus - way to blow your nose this season look no further. United States patent 7013494 promises to be easy on your face, your wallet and the environment.

Great Invention Idea? Bed Simultaneously Promotes and Repels Action!

Elizabeth Valeri — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 06:07:07 -0700

Who among us doesn't like some action in bed? Naturally, we all do. But there's action, then there's ACTION. If you're more the "ACTION" type then United States patent 7,137,881 the Quantum Sleeper, is just the thing for you because it brings a sort of Sopranos' style edginess to the notion of a good night's sleep.

Great Invention Idea? Easy & Fun Way to Put Your Kids to Work!

Elizabeth Valeri — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 13:28:40 -0700

I like United States patent 4455816, because it works on the principle that kids aren't just those little people you love and drive to and from soccer practice, they are also the source of a largely untapped and expensive - the average cost to raise a child in America until the age of 18 is around $200,000 - labor pool.